I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
how drunk are you?
Several
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
