I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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