well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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