I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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