Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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