You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just pee around me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm having to shit out rocks
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
