i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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