Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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