He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
