She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dignity is for republicans.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
