Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
