I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
