there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
