yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize