tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
