I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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