Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
