the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
