All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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