Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
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I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
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I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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