I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
