we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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