Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
