i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
