Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
