Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
