Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
