we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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