So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
