I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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