he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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