need another drink. this is the easiest way
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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