oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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