just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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