I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You ate ashes out of my bong
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
