He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
