Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
