Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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