Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
