Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Farmville is her only friend.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
