You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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