I swear she didn't look like that last week.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
PANTIES FOUND
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