i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
