Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
