I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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