there's paper in my vomit.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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