I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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