You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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