you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
