Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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