Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
