nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
