id be glad to
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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