just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
