Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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