Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize