I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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