Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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