when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
