You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
