I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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