new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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