My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's shark week go big or go home
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
