Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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