I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
