i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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