I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
